your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
