tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
