My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
