So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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