I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
