I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
