My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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