I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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