I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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