she was so not down for the gang bang
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
