What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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