im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
