I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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