She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
