chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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