he told me I talked like a deaf person
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
