and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
