My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
