why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
