I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
