I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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