All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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