I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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