Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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