Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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