scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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