you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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