Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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