I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
