Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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