She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
