Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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