All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
