Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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