If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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