Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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