i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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