I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
