addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
