I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
