Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
