WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
