what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
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She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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