he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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