I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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