you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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