I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
