It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
