can u get pink eye on your cock?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
