problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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