dude i'm inner monologue high
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
