Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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