don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
