could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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