Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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