What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
