Im at strip club and am horny
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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