One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
