I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
