he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
