I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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