Pappa wants mamma naked
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
