The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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