Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
