I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
