Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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