so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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