So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
