Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
