plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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