In America we eat man semen.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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