If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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