At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
