he laminated a picture of his dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
