Me too!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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