So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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