i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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