Umm I'm too high to move.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
