Your tits are I can't wait for
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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