My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
