I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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