I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
