i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
